As the rain came down I found love in the opportunity of slowing down to do nothing things because I had finally learned to shed the shame
and guilt associated in the playful peaceful space of the nothingness.
A girl friend of mine (southern term referring to female friend see Maggie’s Day 31 of Discovering Love in Crystal Clarity and Maggie’s Day 14 of Discovering Love in the Essence of Another) telephoned to ask if I had engaged in the first meal of the day yet. I responded, “No”.
I added, however, that I wasn’t interested in going out. I was still in my pajamas and wanted to stay that way. My friend offered to bring food over and I graciously accepted.
The truth be told, I don’t wear pajamas. I don’t sleep in them, lounge in them, or purchase them. I just have clothes I wear that I refer to as pajamas. Mental note to self: get rid of pajamas, acquire loungewear.
After a knock on the door the bell rang, my friend had arrived with a bag of soup, salad and sandwiches. With a fresh pot of tea we had a picnic which she followed with a nap.
It amazes me how often my friends will come over and want to nap on my sofa or in my pretty princess chair and I let them. They deserve the peaceful space my home provides.
After my girl friend left I hurried to make chocolate chip cookies burning the first batch before getting it right for tomorrow’s guests. I bathed (realizing I have the order of things backward see Maggie’s Day 11 of Discovering Love Cooking in the Nude) then threw on my black JanaKos skirt, a tight little black sweater and my black Dansko heals before heading out the door.
I hit the grocery store in no time at all to garner the items on the list I left on the dining room table for tomorrow’s celebration after the funeral. Just as I was able to catch my breath I sauntered into the funeral home to pay my final respects to the family of a distinguished man whose time had come way too soon but whose memory shall last beyond all our tomorrows.
Death is an interesting element of life.
Years ago Rudy Giuliani said, “Weddings are optional. Funerals are mandatory.” I’ve never had a wedding. I don’t miss a funeral. I wonder now what it was that drew each of us to the funeral home today to experience the love we experienced whether we knew we were going to or not.
At one point I found myself between two men I had known since my age was in single digits. We grew up together, grew apart by circumstances and found ourselves together again in a threesome for the first time in over 20 years.
I don’t know the true forces that brought us together but I can tell you I felt a love I have never experienced before. For the last five hours I’ve been trying to define it, explain it, experience it fully and I’m no further ahead now than I was when the sun was shining bright and the evening dinner meals were still being cooked.
When you’re a little girl you have no idea what the big world is all about. Your friends are kids you play with. Their parents are living and you have no idea that one-day you’ll stand next to each other in a funeral home wondering where you were when the time passed by all the others.
In those few moments of feeling the love I was that little girl again and they were my friends and we couldn’t do anything wrong. We just had to make sure we were home for dinner so our mom’s wouldn’t get mad.
In that little circle of three, the wives hadn’t come and the wives hadn’t gone. The children weren’t born and the war hadn’t been fought. We were just as innocent as we were when we were nine years old. I miss those kids. Tonight I stood with their dads as the little girl inside me swirled on her toes and swung her skirt in the air and said, “Let’s go play”.
But for tonight the party was over. There was no time to play, no space, just a respect to give and a silence to fall into.
The conversation passed and my two playmates moved on. I meandered over to another group of friends I knew in undergraduate school. I asked one of the guys how he was doing and he shared that the forsythia in his yard had bloomed and the flowers were more beautiful than any other year he could recall.
I was taken aback by his response. I admit years ago I would have thought that to be the most shallow answer to a question wrought with potential of tremendous depth. But today I realized I grew just a bit in the passing of the years. When my friend shared his love of his forsythia and thus the simplicity of his woes I was charmed by his words and his passion. He was alive, engaged. I found comfort in his being and his gentle peace and the focus of his attention.
That little college buddy of mine was more grown up than I could ever be. He had found the beauty in blooms, the quiet in the peace, the love in the nothingness and I made a mental note to stop by for a visit to experience the garden and to learn more from this very wise man. Thank God I’m still a student.
I am in total gratitude for this day and the love that fell into the nothingness. I love the simplicity of that love. The reminder of life after a death and the reality that life is meant to be shared and experienced with others. I am not an island.
So, please reach out to me and share with me how you discovered love on this beautiful rainy day. And may all those who passed rest in peace. Sweet Dreams! Maggie ã
How did you discover love today?
We welcome your comments here or on line at discoveringlovein365days@hotmail.com
and/or by mail to;
Discovering Love in 365 Days, PO Box 4937, Louisville, KY 40204-4937.
Clare and Maggie look forward to communicating with you soon.
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